Top all-time · #4026
T
The Gottman Institute
Company blog · gottman.com/bloghealthculture
The Gottman Institute is the company blog at gottman.com, writing about health and culture. Since 2010, 19 different Hacker News readers have linked it 23 times. It is still writing: the last post was on 2026-10-31, and you can follow it by feed.
23mentions?
19HN people?
2010–2025first – last linked?
The Gottman Institute. A research-based approach to relationships. Explore our resources and tools developed by Drs. John and Julie Gottman.
Most-linked posts?
- /blog/the-magic-relationship-ratio-according-science/3 people · 3 mentions · first linked 2019-03-25
- /blog/the-four-horsemen-recognizing-criticism-contempt-defensiveness-and-stonewalling/2 people · 2 mentions · first linked 2018-09-12
- /2 people · 2 mentions · first linked 2018-11-22
What Hacker News says?
The Marriage Institute has the best relationship technology that I've found: http://gottman.com Easy to glean the high level techniques in an hour. eg avoiding the Four Horsemen of relationship killers. But I've been working on my technique for years and feel like I'm just getting started.
Comment linking /
on “Ask HN: What's the most valuable thing you can learn in an hour?”Kevin Hale, at startupschool 2019, spoke in length on How to Work Together [0]. Key points aside from non-violent communication were, everyone fights, but when you fight, stay away from these four horsemen [1]: 1. Criticism : Involves bringing in variety or unrelated issues to the discussion / argument. Focus on the one thing that needs resolution. 2. Contempt : Argumentum ad hominem. Intention to insult, making thi…
Comment linking /blog/the-four-horsemen-the-antidotes/
on “Interested in improving your relationships? Try Nonviolent Communication”I wonder what John Gottman would say? My guess is he would recommend something like this: https://www.gottman.com/blog/manage-conflict-the-art-of-comp... , https://www.gottman.com/blog/two-views-every-conflict-valid/ , https://www.gottman.com/blog/for-better-or-for-worse-conflic... , or https://www.gottman.com/blog/overcoming-gridlocked-conflict/ . This is surprisingly, to me at least, a mostly solved problem. When…
Comment linking /blog/overcoming-gridlocked-conflict/
on “A dirty dish by the sink can be a big marriage problem”> repair your marriage instead of finding a new partner. There are two ways to think about this. The first is that once your car gets too broken to repair, you should just ditch it and get a new one. The other is that once your arm/ankle/hip/liver has problems, you should just transplant a new one instead of doing physical therapy/exercise/eating healthier/drinking less. In my experience, marriage is much closer to…
Comment linking /product/the-seven-principles-for-making-marriage-work/
on “Parents of daughters are more likely to divorce than those with sons”More likely the traits of both people. There are people who study the factors that predict divorce. https://www.gottman.com
Comment linking /
on “Parents of daughters are more likely to divorce than those with sons”> Significantly, they also acknowledged the contributions I made. Acknowledgment doesn’t require a parade. These are small gestures that folks made that were meaningful to me: > Using the :clap: emoji in a pull request comment to highlight a clever bit of my code. > Sending a direct message of thanks upon realizing they were actively benefiting from a refactor I’d made to a previously gnarly bit of code. > Posting a…
Comment linking /blog/the-magic-relationship-ratio-according-science/
on “Micro-promotions and mentorship: impact of small actions in engineering culture”It's interesting to note that mass advertising has gone through several stages, and a number of previously highly-active platforms are now pale shadows of their previous selves. Some of this is a matter of shifting technology and related advances, but there also seems to be a pattern of burning through audiences through frustration. Arguably, advertising initiated in bulk print (newspapers and magazines), see Benjam…
Comment linking /blog/the-magic-relationship-ratio-according-science/
on “Meta stock price drops more than 20%”One of the key findings is positive thinking can increase serotonin. “Self-induced changes in mood can influence serotonin synthesis.” For those interested in a practical approach to positive thinking, check out “How Full is Your Bucket” by Tom Rath and Donald Clifton [1]. They discuss the 5:1 ratio of positive to negative interactions and how it’s the key to a happy relationship [2]. [1] https://www.amazon.com/How-…
Comment linking /blog/the-magic-relationship-ratio-according-science/
on “How to increase serotonin in the human brain without drugs (2007)”> Results showed that higher overall helicopter parenting scores were associated with stronger symptoms of anxiety and depression. According to that study, helicopter parenting “was also associated with poorer functioning in emotional functioning, decision making, and academic functioning. https://www.gottman.com/blog/helicopter-parenting-good-inten... https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/27561986/ My note: The process o…
Comment linking /blog/helicopter-parenting-good-intentions-poor-outcomes/
on “I decided to move away from big tech for my children and myself”https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stereotype_threat shows up in this list as not replicated, however, it is one of the most studied phenomena in psychology. >meta-analyses and systematic reviews have shown significant evidence for the effects of stereotype threat, though the phenomenon defies over-simplistic characterization.[22][23][24][25][26][27][28][9] Failing to reproduce an effect doesn't prove it isn't real. Myth…
Comment linking /blog/this-one-thing-is-the-biggest-predictor-of-divorce/
on “Famous cognitive psychology experiments that failed to replicate”I'm not sure I could identify my "core values" in a crowd -- where I feel lucky is in the "healthy discussions". My husband and I don't hit each other with too many of the Four Horsemen: https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-four-horsemen-recognizing-c...
Comment linking /blog/the-four-horsemen-recognizing-criticism-contempt-defensiveness-and-stonewalling/
on “The Marriage Decision: Everything Forever or Nothing Ever Again (2016)”Like other comments have suggest steer towards assertiveness and away from hostility. How did I learn to develop assertiveness? I had kids. I wish I were kidding. Children love to exercise their defiance and sometimes they simply ignore you repeatedly. Aggression is a natural response and somethings it speaks more loudly than volume or words and when aggression is in full blossom children no longer claim ignorance t…
Comment linking /blog/the-four-horsemen-recognizing-criticism-contempt-defensiveness-and-stonewalling/
on “Ask HN: How do I develop aggressiveness?”At university I took a class about this sort of stuff and one of the eye opening things was the studies about how the couples with the best sex life were actually old, married, religious couples. If you want great sex, then going to church and having a lifelong, selfless, loving commitment to your partner seems to help a lot; but that sure makes sense anyways... There are a lot of studies about how pornography and s…
Comment linking /
on “The link between premarital sex and marriage stability”Not joking here, genetic testing. It's a niche. The allure of genetic compatibility might be overwhelming when we consider that the basic purpose of all our emotions and behaviours around dating and sex is reproduction, which is driven by genetics. A community of people who want to have kids ( people who are feeling the urge to reproduce ), further reduced to the niche of those such people who are interested to appl…
Comment linking /about/research/couples/
on “Ask HN: How would you solve the chicken and egg problem ( Dating Sites )”See a couple's therapist. Also, check out the Gottman Institute[1]. [1] https://www.gottman.com/
Comment linking /
on “Ask HN: Marital Problems”> What then is the difference between a permanent long-distance relationship and an AI companion? A long distance relationship between two humans would include discussion about the facts of both relationship participants' distinct life experiences and challenges unexperienced by the other, a necessity for two-way empathy, perpetual conflicts[1] with no obvious solution, compromises, risk of being irreparably harmed…
Comment linking /blog/managing-conflict-solvable-vs-perpetual-problems/
on “Divorce left me struggling to find love. I found it in an AI partner”I wonder if this is related to "bids for attention" in a way (see https://www.gottman.com/blog/turn-toward-instead-of-away/ ) - you reaching out to your partner hoping for acknowledgement and not getting any response
Comment linking /blog/turn-toward-instead-of-away/
on “Loneliness is a measure of self-understanding”I believe the Gottmans have done some very good research on marriage - http://www.gottman.com/ . http://www.youtube.com/user/TheGottmanInstitute#p/u/3/LLXX8w...
Comment linking /
on “What's a great relationship book/guide”If you had two successful startups, maybe chances are that you don't put much time into other activities which includes dating and the relationships that can come from dating? If I said I was going to try to have a successful startup putting a couple hours a week into it now and then, what is the probability of success? So maybe the issue is going up a learning curve? If you do eventually find yourself in a relation…
Comment linking /couples/workshops/art-science-of-love/
on “A complete guide to getting what you want”
